The Bad Idea Bagel
When it comes to bagels, I live in the space between bad ideas and good decisions.
The following items, which I do not like to do, must be done in order to achieve the perfect NYC bagel dream:
Shout loudly
Inconvenience people
Eat wheat-derived carbohydrates
I have an aversion to hearing my voice loudly in my ears and a healthy fear that others will make fun of my bagel.
The order is ridiculously particular, and I cringe knowing how much I’m burdening these fine people.
The carb overload sets my health goals back a week.
What to do?
Go for it.
To make the ordering process easier, I’ve experimented with making the word ordering more concise and using less confusing vocabulary combinations. I even tried it for the first and last time in Spanish.
Over the years, I’ve narrowed my pitch to this:
“Whole wheat everything, scooped and toasted with plain tofu, both sides, and tomato in the middle.”
Here’s why:
Whole Wheat Everything - The best bagel, no others exist for me;
Scooped - I do want less carbs, but it’s more about digging deep trenches to fit more tofu cream cheese. Also, the thinner the bagel, the crispier it becomes.
Toasted - Without this step, it’s chewy. Toasting also opens the bouquet of sesame, onion and garlic.
Plain Tofu - Discovered during the vegan years but playing for keeps.
Tomato - The idea is to unwrap and have two open-faced bagels of equal constitution with tomatoes on top waiting for their salt sprinkle. If the tofu isn’t on both sides, the offensive result is dry bread turning soggy from soaking up the wet tomato.
The walk home is spent wondering...
“What’s in the bag?”
I could make this all at home, but I’m looking for the glory of when it’s just right.
In all seriousness, Leo’s is absolutely the best idea ever, forever.
3 Hanover Square, New York, NY 10004
212-785-4700
